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I did try to free myself, but thesethoughts were always buried just below the surface of my brain. Ifsomething went wrong in my life I blamed my male side, silly things likeif I bought wrong clothes for myself it was my male side to blame. If Ifelt low or sad male thoughts were triggered and insecurities surfaced,thoughts like "I wasn't a real woman; I was a man in a charade as awoman". I could never share these thoughts with anyone; I was destinedto keep these thoughts safely locked in my. I don’t have any corners in my mind. There doesn’t seem to be some old box up there, with a lid on it. My thoughts feel as though they are in a whirlwind and random pieces fly out of the eddy at an amazing velocity sometimes. As though they were spewed out as debris is from the funnel of a tornado. A piece of roofing here, a piece of timber there. Oh look, there’s a tree branch. At times, that is the closest thing to order with which my mind can function. Some times I can control it and order. ”“You stopped being a hypocrite.”“I guess so.”“I wish none of us had to pretend. Why can’t we all just do what we want and not be shamed by everyone else?”“I don’t know.” She stroked my hair. It made me feel so warm and happy even with the dollar bill lying on the nightstand with which she paid me for this morning. “People can be so mean, so evil, searching for any reason to belittle you while they secretly have just as depraved desires. It is sad. I’m glad you know about me. I was so afraid. " Just wanted to scare ay then surprise ya, give you a bit of adventure." well you didn't scare me mike." Said Scarlett turning her nose up at him."yes i did and you know it. were you at least a bit scared when i was chasing you?" no" scarlet lied"What about when i pulled the knife out on you." Do you really wanna know?" uh huh" Mike said grinning"Well i was just thinking of some dreams ive had before, where iv'e been with my friends and some bad guy had been after us and i wanted to buy them.
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